Fri(end)s – How to react when Confronted by your Angry Best Friend?
So no one told you life was gonna be this way?
So my previous post, I touched on how to approach a shitty friend on the subject of a long residing issue you had with them.
I now want to use this opportunity to highlight how you should react if you are the friend being confronted. Your role here is just as important in working things out.
Initially I wanted to add it to the end of the last post but that monster was pretty fucking long, so I made a smaller one to cover this
This is relatively short and sweet so bear with me, as I wrap up this series.
Let it be
The first and most important thing is to let things play out as driven by your friend. This is their moment, so you should allow them to have it.
To be fair, if the situation was reversed, you would want the same courtesy right?
It’s not always easy for them to bring up their issues and I think it is super brave when someone puts themselves in that scenario. If you see them as a good friend, you should at the very least give them that air time, you are still friends afterall right?
If you are finding it difficult being confronted by their accusations, feel free to take some time out and just let the words soak in. However try and let them finish before hand.
I reiterate you have to let them finish. Storming out half way through is just going to make things a whole lot worse.
Now of course you naturally may wish to be defensive, especially if they’ve acted in ways in the past which were equally as shitty but you decided to bite your tongue. Understand this though, this event is about their grievances, not yours. Try not to turn the tables as a defense mechanisms for justifying your behaviour.
If you have a separate issue with them, then please deal with it at a separate occasion. All bringing it up now does is take the focus off the issue and thus avoid any real growth between the both of you going forward.
Reply Genuinely and Openly
Now when they give you an opportunity to express yourself, do so honestly and allow them to understand your complete thought process behind your actions. If the information is inaccurate or incomplete, use this opportunity to provide a fuller picture.
If you haven’t yet done so, express your remorse for putting your friend in that scenario. Be sincere though. If you aren’t, then don’t say anything.
Again if this is a cursor for highlighting some big changes in your life you’ve yet to express , now is the time to do so. Again not necessarily to take the heat off the conversation but to highlight after this chat, you guys still need to have another.
Walk in their Shoes and Flip the roles
Another thing is to really let their words and their emotions hit you, we are not always aware of the consequences our actions have, especially to our loved ones.
Just have a real long objective think about your actions without your ego massaging the facts.
One simple thing people don’t appreciate is they might not see the issue when they are at fault but if the are on the other side of the fence, they’d be raging. So if you want to really review the situation, look at it with the perspectives reversed and see if your actions are still justified.
Seriously sit down look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself.
Am I really that kinda Cunt my friend thinks I am?
This is a rare opportunity to put your ego to one side and realise that you aren’t perfect and may have some things to work on. Again, try and use these opportunities as a constructive criticism to improve yourself going forward.
Fix your shit
Even though at this point, your friend may change the friend dynamic to resolve further issues, take the opportunity to try and address some of them on your own by agreeing to some private positive action in your own time.
Again, some of these behaviours you’re (apparently) exhibiting are also likely to affect other people, other people who aren’t brave enough to bring them up.
Take the opportunity to become a better person now, without relying on other people to steer you in the right direction all the time.
Don’t wait to be told, just be better.
No Grudges, No Payback
Finally, try not to hold a grudge. I know a lot of people may find such a situation humiliating and will either find an opportunity to get their payback or highlight their own issues.
If this is truly the case, the next day is probably not the best time to be airing your own frustrations.
Furthermore, you need to evaluate whether these are genuine issues or whether you are making mountains out of mole hills in order to derive ammunition for payback. Also if you are wanting to bring up something in the past for ammo, this isn’t the time or place for it.
They said WHAT? Hell the FUCK no
Now of course these recommendations are under the assumption your friend has approached you with the guidelines covered by this post here.
If they come at it, in a real shitty and unstructured manner then your reaction is of course going to be different.
I will still try and keep your cool though, normally in these situations, they have the ability to escalate and one person ends up saying and doing something they don’t mean. From a truly selfish point of view, You don’t really want that person to be you.
If you however feel a certain line has been crossed, I would suggest you let that situation play out and then when you have some time to reflect on it, you think really carefully on whether or not you still want to maintain a close relationship.
Before you make that final call, I urge you to have a quick and final posts in my friendship saga.
It will probably change your life forever.