Fri(end)s? – The TRUE reason why you keep fighting with your best friend
Welcome back Mes Amis, I hope you had a fantastic festive break, I certainly did
I have a ton of shit I need to catch up on but need to finish off my last few instalments of my Friendship mini series first.
So let’s catch up on what’s come before non?
In my first post, I decided to break this topic up and go over some of the main reasons why people fall out.
Then in my 2nd, I Spoke a lot about one subject in particular, ‘Whether or not you should sleep with your best friend’
Now, in my 3rd post on this subject, I’m gong to uncover the truth as to why you keep fighting with your best friend.
Four my fourth, I’m going to address what I consider as good practice when confronting a friend about an issue that’s pissed you off.
Finally to close, I wanna cover what you should consider when deciding whether or not a friendship should continue. From both perspectives.
Why am I doing this you all ask?
I’m covering this because I think this whole subject is something most of us fuck up real bad and need a hand with. Simple
So with that quick summary done, let’s crack on with describing what you should do if you feel you’ve been done a wroggun.
What you’ve been doing wrong?
If you are reading this, you probably would have had confrontations with your friends before. However, if you’ve managed to make it this far, you probably didn’t obtain the outcome you wanted from it.
And I can pretty much guess why.
I think regardless of how you end up at this crossroads. You will find that most people go one of two ways.
They either overreact or underreact.
Allow me to clarify which of the two you are likely to be
Overreactors are the people who will flair up, get emotional, and do or say something that is irreversible and will leave a permanent scar on things. Infact I can see the steam coming out of their ears as they read this very sentence, too toooo funny
Instead of focussing on the issue at hand, overreactors dredge up other (and sometime unrelated) incidents, get completed sidetracked and overcome with emotion. This is most likely due to the event opening up old wounds and regurgitating ancient insecurities from a land time forgot.
The Overreactor’s response is completely out of control yet surprisingly prolonged, but they still find it very difficult convey their feelings in words, letting their emotions get the best of them. Now the naughty friend’s main focus becomes trying to hurdle this minefield rather than acknowledging the initial problem.
Overreactors raise ultimatums left right and centre (with little or no intention of following them through) or shut down, closing off all signs of dialogue for the immediate future. They also use these opportunities to ‘hurt’ their friends as a means of getting even, which is just silly as it usually causes this drama to escalate.
Overreactors also start telling outsiders one-sided accounts of the events. They know the only way to legitimise their actions is to get more people to buy into it. Modern day overractors now run to social media to write vague status updates in order to rally up support in their drones. You’ll recognise them because their posts generally sound a lot like this.
They form a finger wagging army and recruit them as back up to justify doing something stupid. Then hide in their numbers to remove all forms of accountability. Real real smooth.
Acts like this, mean that the friendship can never become amicable again going forward.
Saying that, there are also the Underreactors. This is where, no clear direction is taken with addressing the issue and the incident is swept under the carpet. I can also see these people turning their heads away in denial as they read this, hilarious.
Denial is not always the catalyst. The simple act of biting one’s tongue in an attempt to keep the peace is another classic tell-tale sign. It foreshadows an underreactor ducking out of facing the problem, fearful of where it might lead to. In reality this is just a cop out.
Even though underreacting is a subdued effect, it can be just as damaging (if not more) than the overrreactor’s response.
In this situation, the incident which caused the melting point is just as likely to re-manifest itself over and over and over until one day they just end up overreacting in frustration, usually around some other issue with no direct relation to the incident. Either that or they cut ties with people with little to no explanation as to why.
Worst of all underreactors can choose to never act, allowing a deep underlying resentment to build, creating various social anxieties or even depression. You often find that underreactors may find a clutch in substance abuse or another form of addiction to get them through their days without exploding. Or worse off, they become shitty friends to other people who are meek enough not to say anything.
What a fucking horrible vicious downward spiral.
The bubbling contempt of an underreactor is likely to manifest itself in a real passive aggressive manner, which really doesn’t help anyone in the long or short term either.
With no boundaries being set by the underreactor, the behaviours of the Nauhghty friend have now been routinely accepted without any consequence and are likely to become part of their social norms.
Because of this people find it harder to accept any form of criticism of it. Try to address a situation at this stage and you might end up being the one causing the trouble from your friend’s perspective.
This causes further resentment to build up and so on and so forth till you stab them in the night and plead temporary insanity like a legless south african.
Finally underreactors, if your friend’s done something really shitty and you let them get away with it, they are just going to keep doing it to you and other people as well. If you can nip that shit in the bud promptly, it might stop them acting that way altogether. Because if they do that to the wrong person, they will get fucked up. It’s all these lil things that add up and make the world a better place to live in.
So how should you react?
The next two sentences could arguably change your life so pay attention.
- To get the most out of this situation, you must do SOMETHING.
- If you have a tendency to over/under react you must do something DIFFERENT.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result.
Going insane is the only option you are left with if you choose to let history repeat itself over and over and it certainly doesn’t sound like a win to me.
But that doesn’t mean you have the right to do ANYTHING.
Just because you feel you are the victim in this, doesn’t give you free reign to be a complete fucking asshole with complete immunity from human decency. Carrying this mentality will usually end up in you overcompensating and shifting right to the other side of the spectrum.
To get out of this smelling like roses, You have to figure out how to be Baby Bear, reacting in a manner which is just right.
I’ll get this this in my next post.
Which one are you?
Please feel free to tell me which one of these folks you can relate to and whether you can now understand how acting like this never addresses the issues at hand, leading to the same arguments over and over and over.
Thanks for reading, now go forth and be amazing