Are looks more important than personality when falling in love?

Looks vs Personality




This is an age old question and while any sane person would say one or the other, they would be talking complete shit.

In reality it goes something along the lines of


Looks are what first attract you to someone but personality is what makes you wanna stay




The question itself is a little flawed and should imply it wants you to state what is more important when first meeting someone. While both play their part,we can’t deny the need for physical attraction, it’s literally in our dna. There’s a place where the playing field could be leveled out.

Curious to know where?

EDIT: NO the answer is NOT a BLIND SCHOOL or IN THE FUCKING DARK, what is wrong with you people!!!

Well, you’re on it.

There are very few forms of interaction where personality comes before physical stature. The internet, amongst all its virtual dating communities, is one of the few places where this is possible I believe (or at the least they are equal).

First, let me take you on an example on where it can help build strong ties even between mortal enemies.


Guess Who?

Below is a story of a married couple who both secretly planned to have affairs with people they met online. The crazy thing was, they didn’t realise they were speaking to each other. that is until they met up and found out the truth of their mutual betrayal


Link to the story is here


So here is an excellent example of how a couple, in a failing marriage, put up barriers in person, but allowed their inner selves to find one another online. When they did, they managed to rekindled  what made them fall in love in the first place.

It was unfortunate when the truth was revealed, instead on concentrating on the fact, they were still fundamentally in love with each other, the bitterness of the dual deceit was more of a prevalent thought.

So here, the net creates a neutral playing field and allows love to blossom between personalities in a situation that could never occur, due to personal bias.

The key lines for me are what they both said about it.

She said

“I was suddenly in love. It was amazing. We seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriage. How right that turned out to be,”

He said.

“I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years”.

I said

“What a pity, It’s a shame they never made it”.


Internet dating bit

In real life, we often find we are misled by our eyes (and our loins) when trying to find a suitable spouse. People are usually drawn to the same types of idiots and assholes, or specify things like they’d only date blondes, or asian guys  or people without kids etc.

So would the medium of internet allow you to put looks and other preferences to one side altogether?

Yes, but at a cost!!!!


Romantic Escalation

It is possible for two people to be anonymous and gather a deep connection online.Unfortunately, a few things will always inevitably happen, due to the phenomenon known as romantic escalation


1. Details of your personal life will be requested for security purposes, no one will continue to blindly invest in something without some confirmation of the quality on the other side, not for long anyway. Personal details could also be requested to flesh out who you are, which is fine .These will usually be kept in a separate non judgemental location in the brain like before but are still necessary for things to continue to grow.


2. Users will automatically start building up some expectations of what this individual is like, a voice, height, body type, the whole works. This part could be dangerous as the more you build them up, the stronger the bond, but the more disappointed you’ll be if you ever do meet them.

This is the very same notion as to why people say that books are better than the films, because their imaginations have painted landscapes that movie producers could only dream of creating.


3. A picture would be requested, or a phonecall or a skype conversation, sometimes to help steer the above visualisation in the right direction. It’s at that point you realise, if there is no potential for physical attraction, the whole thing is a lost cause. Note, that I say ‘potential’ because that is quite important going forward into the next bits.


4. You’ll be asked to meet in person and if you have been deceitful about any of the information you’ve provided or you don’t match their expectations, you are a gonner, no matter how much time you spent talking before.

To summarise, if you want said relationship to escalate into something physical and tangible, there needs to be some background judgement and physical attraction acknowledged. Otherwise the relationship with plateau and eventually fizzle out


.Men Vs Women

Going back to attractiveness, I mentioned a minimum need for  “potential” attraction to be there. A recent social experiment showed that this potential limit, varied between men and women

Take a look at the two videos below where actors turn up for first dates in fat suits. They had arranged the dates using skinny pictures of themselves and wanted to gauge the reaction of their dates to their size.

So I’ll hit you with the ‘Fat female’ version of it first.



Ouch, now it’s time for the dude to check in


It would appear that on a first date, males still require that physical connection to be confirmed while women still require that personality bond to be there first and foremost.


The verdict?

So unfortunately, we cannot remove the importance of physical attraction and circumstance from it altogether but I would say most people tend to lower their walls a little bit and take a punt, if the chat is good.

Maybe this is a function of an individual’s circumstance, as some may see internet dating as already admitting options are limited and they need to embrace that ‘carpe diem’ lifestyle to not get left on the shelf. Personally I would say it has to do with striking an emotional connection first, which is ultimately the most important part of the whole thing.

In anycase, it does help even out the dating field just a little.

While out, you wouldn’t engage with someone you didn’t find attractive at first, but with the internet, you can be balled over by personality first and accept the other details later, if the bond is strong enough (and you aren’t butt ugly or a serial killer).

I’m calling it officially a TIE!!! Sir mixalot says otherwise, I’ll leave you to decide