Short and deployed to the furthest corners of the night…..part 50…..


Sleepwalker

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Sean: So tell me all about this dream then?

Clive: Alright, let me quickly try and set the picture …

So it’s late and I’m walking somewhere, it’s also raining. It wasn’t that heavy type rain, it was just a trickle but  definitely enough to make you notice it.

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Walking_home_in_the_rain_by_pynchonian

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I don’t know where I’m going to but I have this gut feeling I happen to be on the right path. Just to make sure I don’t get lost, I end up walking the bus route back but at every bus stop I get to, the bus doesn’t come, so I just keep walking.

Sometimes I would meet people on the way. With some it would go from polite chat to a couple of chuckles. With others it would pretty much be solemn silence and limited recognition of the other’s existence. In all cases,  our paths would eventually leave one another as they’d turned off at a junction and I’d carry on ahead on the bus route. I never with anyone for too long.

So after what feels like hours, I see a bus drive past me and unfortunately, I’m not at a bus stop so I think to my self ‘fuck’, I’ve missed it, knowing it’s probably the last one of the night. After some initial disappointment, I pick myself up and soldier on in the rain…

So I walk for another few minutes and I see a dim light ahead of me,. As I approach it, I see it’s clearly the bus that just passed me . It appears that the bus driver saw me walking in the rain and decided to be kind enough to wait for me by the road.

But the closer I got to it, the more I concluded it wasn’t my bus. Somewhere deep down, I knew it wasn’t going my way and I wasn’t supposed to get on it.

I stopped right infront of the bus entrance and made eye contact with the driver. At first they quietely light up to see me, clearly believing they’d done a good thing waiting. However, their eyes turn sour when they caught on to the notion I wasn’t getting on.

I start to march on as I did before but I can’t hear the engine of the bus start up, it seems to still be waiting for me to change my mind.

Eventually though, the door closes and the bus starts up, passes me and disappears off at the next junction ahead.

Like I said though,

  • It didn’t look like my bus.
  • It wasn’t going my way.
  • It was never supposed to pick me up
  • I was never supposed to be on that journey.

So why is it that  I have this real dreary suspicion that this was my bus after all.

On this revelation, I realised, I had stopped walking altogether. My feet had turned to solid lead and for the first time in a long time, I can’t bring myself to move forward.

-sigh-

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finsbury-park-bus-stop-old-man-elderly-beard-waiting-london-nikon-street-photography-streettogs-city-urban-bw-black-white-bw-monochrome-night-bokeh-rob-cartwright

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Sean: OK here is what I think of all of this?

The walk represents your perceived journey through life.

The fact that it’s in the rain and it is dark means that it is a hard and treacherous journey.

The lack of transportation symbolises that it is something you must feel you need to do alone.

The other walkers are those who have a similar path but eventually move on to other things in their life

Your skewed perception of time is your rationing as to whether the journey is worthwhile.

Reinforcing this, the fact that you are walking with your head down probably means that you don’t think it is something that will benefit you, rather something you have to do out of obligation.

The fact that you don’t know necessarily where your going means you have no idea how you will accomplish this goal either.

The bus represent a get out clause, a road to another life, a chance to experience something completely different.

Your reluctance to board it is a manifestation of your guilt in rejecting your perceived destiny.

 However your inability to move aftewards is infact your inner self coming to the realisation that you are on a voyage your heart has not bought into.

The way I see it, if you concentrate too much on the end destination, you skip out the journey entirely.

Maybe the journey is the destination and you’re missing out all these opportunities to weave your own fulfilment in life?

You’ll also probably find that the apparent bus never left, life always presents many life lines for you to hang on to, you just sometimes have to look hard enough to see the signs…

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Clive: Wow, that’s pretty amazing, you’re getting all that from my story?

Sean: Yeah, I’m a pretty good listener.

Clive: What is it you do for a living again Sean?

Sean: I’m a bus driver.

Clive: …

Sean: So Clive, are you finally ready to get on, I’m parked across the road?

Fin

To help with this piece, I’ve included some apparent dream definitions to go along side. I made up the apparent meanings for this piece but let’s see how well they compare to some real ones. Hope you all enjoyed it, let me know what you think about it in the comments section.

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