5 reasons for the current writing hiatus

Howdy ho strangers….what’s cooking?

Even though this blog thing is actually my own creation personally for my own enjoyment and practice, and was never really intended for the mass consumptions of the average internet consumer (especially given the case that most of what I write is completely random and not related to any specific topic), I would still like to apologise for those of you who have taken the time out of your busy lives to indulge in it, for not keeping it regularly updated.

Firstly, I would like to say that one of the sole reasons as to why I am not writing as regularly anymore comes down to one simple thing. Retrospectively, after getting into this and getting into the million tangents that I normally do, I’ve realised infact that’s five  things.

So let me break down the whys whos, whats, wheres, hows and wtf with my beloved audience.

1. The first is this piece of shit, post-fuck stained, useless excuse for a netbook I have at my disposal. I can’t be arsed to stay in late at work and be creative anymore, I would rather go home, get naked and slobber about in my room in all my sctrachy-nut glory (especially in this heat). SO anytime I Do actually feel creative, I have to manage on this hunk of junk that can barely keep two web pages open at the same time without having a celebrity-sized diva tantrum and refusing to operate. WordPress is a temperamental bitch of a website at the best of times and anyone who has read my shit realises, that I have lots of pictures and tend to go off on thought tangents more often than not, which generally means having no less than 10 browser pages open as i dip in and out of thought to create just the one piece.

But I can’t mange that and you will soon notice that this piece fails to resemble the majority, with its text heavy-picture anorexic form. It’s simply because I don’t have the ability to and if i can’t do something to at lest 85% of how I envisioned it in my mind, I tend not to bother.

so simply without any decent process power, I can’t manage my own creative thoughts in a manner that would form entertaining literature. Which means you all suffer (or escape my literature (could be a good thing))

2 Secondly, while  at work, especially in sheffield, I had this beast of a man’s keyboard, it had huge buttons and it was separated into two separate pieces, with each hard practically in a different timezone typing in unison. It was an honour to create on that masterboard.

Now I have a shit keyboard with fucking letters missing. Who goes and makes the fullstop button the one with the smallest globule of fucking GLUE on it, it’s a fucking conspiracy I tell ya peeps, a FUCKING CONSPIRASEA!!!!

Consider it to be the equivalent of one of Jimi Hendrix’s holy axes and he wanders on stage and blows the world away with his genius through the medium of this beast, then having it neutered and asking him to do the same thing with a two string banjo you grandad picked up from salvation army back in 1978. Shit just won’t slide and pants just won’t fly.

They say a bad workman always blames their tools, they are FUCKING right, no one said I was any good, I need my axe man. Unfortunately the design is so old you can’t plug it in via a usb port, you need a proper computer port. So things are really pointing at me getting a proper desktop if I want to keep up this writing marlakey at a reasonable standard and quality.

3. This leads me back to my original point of since I just have this tiny thing, (and my netbook, hardy ha), I don’t ever get into that upright posture for writing, especially since i moved homes in May, yes it was May. My current room is smaller than a munchkin’s foreskin and I barely have enough room for half a flat’s worth of shit, let alone, room for bonafide creativity. at this moment, i’m siting on the corner of the bed with the monitor balanced on a stool infront of me (since my actual netbook monitor is broken, it just acts as a glorified keyboard and a shitty one at that).

SO to summarise, i need a proper home space to be creative with my super duper keyboard of justice.

4. Now this point is one that really does piss me off and it is totally unnecessary. WordPress has gangfucked my entire writing style for no reason. Then pissed on its ashes without even telling me, I feel the need to write them a stern letter of slight agitation to let them know SHIT JUST GOT FUCKING REAL!!!

If you’ve read alot of my stuff before, you’ll notice already straight away that something is different from this post than the rest. You see, normally to hide the fact that i go on and On and ONNNNNNNNN, I would break my writing into bitesize little paragraphs with unique headers, giving the reader time to rest between thought globules but also allowing me to jump between writing sections with some sense of order (i’m not one for writing chronologically from start to end, in fact i find that soul destroying as i currently have to with this piece).

But a couple of months ago, I logged on to catch up on one of my many unfinished pieces and wordpress had been kind enough to upgrade the site, and take my header buttons away.

Now I’m REAL fussy about tiny things and even though i can go to the html edit page and add the header tags in manually, I feel like wordpress has gone against our sacred marriage vows we had when we first went into holey matrimoney with each other.

I could have gone to blogger, blogger had hot legs and was dirty in bed BUT something told me that wordpress would make a great father of my pieces and a long stable partner for bringing up our creations. Instead it just bummed me. I feel hollow inside.

SO when i finally stop sulking and get over it, I will be back to writing at some regularlity but the scars still haven’t healed, maybe they never will *sniff*

This is probably the biggest contributor to my lack of writing so don’t underestimate how much the little things get me. End of the world I can deal with but this is like finding out santa claus wasn’t my dad….

Good job he’s still real though, good job indeed.

5. FInally, this is a kinda sad one but I don’t have any angst. Normally life has to be in an unnecessarily tedious place for me to get my creative juices flowing, so tedious that I just decide to take a hiatus from life itself and indulge in the word of the pleut. At the moment, I couldn’t squeeze any angst out of me if i Tried, Life has been good to me and for some reason, a higher power wishes to keep it that way.

so that is that

BUT there is a silver lining

I’ve been giving my first commisioned task by a viewer who wishes for me to write a piece for their wedding, so I’m very excited that someone wants to have my input on their special day. Since i am out of the writing loop, i remembered the only way to get better at writing is to keep at it, so over the next coming weeks, I will be posting to get my creative juices back in the flow, hopefully by the time I’m done, some more hidden gems would have been created. So bear with me.

Anyway, I hope you are all well and that 2013 is treating you great. It’s been good to me so far and over the next few weeks, I’ll be telling you exactly how.

SO until then, later bitches and thanks for sticking with it.