Inadequate lives breeds adequate deceit
Finally, I’ve been asked to write something else.
If you remember from this post, I mentioned if anyone wanted me to write about a specific topic in my own usual view, I should just do so.
So finally someonen took me up on this and Here is another one.
Before I start this one, I will state here there will be three significant lies in this piece, not for any reason than my own pleasure and to illustrate the entire facade of the topic at hand. see if you can spot em.
Also please remember with this one, there will be gross generalisations thrown in here but its purely for concise-ish writing, I realise there is plenty of grey here and feel free to point them out in the comments section.
What’s Small and White?
Do you remember the first lie you were ever told?
And do you remember your first reaction to it.
I have a recollection of a lie I was told by my family when I around 3-4 years old that my father had a twin brother called ‘Uncle John’. It was to hide aspects of his past they envisioned I would be too young to understand. Worst of all, I didn’t even question it till about three years ago. I had simply forgotten about the fact but it was recently brought to my attention and realised I had been bummed for the whole time. Even though I eventualy realised on my own that he didn’t, I didn’t associate that with the fact that I had been deceived, I just forgot that the original lie had been told.
But this is a tiny one and they learnt to tell me much bigger ones with time .And with their unbeknown tutelage, so did I. And to be fair, I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it too. There’s only one way to tell for sure whether I am telling the truth or not and I am by no way willing to tell you all that now, ha:)
But this was back in the day when lying was somewhat an art form. Not everyone can naturally pull off being deceitful, in person
Dummy’s guide to lying
Firstly. you had to pretty much look someone dead in the eye and convince firstly yourself of the deceit in order to convince them. The art to being deceitful is to actually somewhere in your core believe in what you’ve said. There are many long withstanding tales I’ve told that when I’m alone, I sometimes think ‘did that actually happen?’.
Then you have to remember this deceit and continue it, sometimes indefinitely. Which is a task within itself.
There are lies I told my mom at 14 that i still have to carry on now, and every so often she’ll try and trick me or someone else into revealing them. you have to be on point. But then lies are never linear things, most of the time, telling one means you have to tell another. You need to create a tower of fable of porky pies just to get through a day with someone. But just like a block of Jenga, you can’t go and lay too big a brick onto a soft foundation, you have to build it up slowly and cautiously so that it can be lived in.and help house the gullible.
And then there’s the cold hard sell.
I could look you straight in the eye and tell you the deepest darkest lie you’ve ever heard. I can cry on queue and I could look into my child’s eye and tell them they represent everything that’s gone wrong in my life and I wish they weren’t born. I could also take full credit for someone else’s work or better yet, happily send a family member or best friend to death for a crime I had committed.
it’s just that simple, and also boring. but simple.
However, my personal thing is unless I am covering myself or someone else, Apart from the initial reaction of realising someone has bought it, it doesn’t entertain me, so i break cover. I ultimately have nothing I feel I need to gain by lying to other people. Just the initial sell.
Lying to myself, yes
to others, no.
But alot of people see the power of deceit as a tool, a tool for their own gain for whatever reason.
While this post could be as broad as the sun, I will focus in on one aspect.
Internet dating liars.
The Key to marketing is to know your customer
First of all to those who get lied to based on these experiences. This is where you start running into trouble.
We are ADVERTISED TO By THESE SITES IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
The reason men are encouraged to join these sites is completely different from the way women are join them, or at least that is what marketing experts say to us.
As a lady you are promised the opportunity to meet a young gentleman outside from your usual pick of jeering loud noisy lads, who pinch your bum in a club without saying hello and deliver cheesy one liners. A chance to skip the gentleman covered in his own vomit and who starts fight into club. Then steals traffic cones and give lapdances to pigeons. The type of gentleman who wouldn’t cater for your emotional needs or you can talk to as your soul mate. The one you will have to mother until you get fed up and start all over again.
You are sold the opportunity to meet like minded mature men who are ready to stop being boys, have their priorities straight and are looking for the opportunity to settle down. Or at least consider it somewhere down the line, if it comes up.
However, these clever advertisers sell their establishments to men as something else.
In the eyes of this company who has gained your trust, You are sold as nothing more than sex fodder to pile through until said gentleman needs are met. You are not treated as an individual rather than a collective, a collective of sexual objects for men to bone.You are faceless and emotionless and the goal isn’t for these men to come off these sites when they meet one of you but instead to stay on indefinitely and have or to try and have sex with EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. And they sell this notion as if there is nothing wrong with it. Some actually encourage it
Marketing directors, ultimately think you are a slut. Not my word but theirs. Their actual words
Lowest common demoninator
So, here is the real thing
Why do men lie on these things?
Men are like water, The always find the lowest point to settle.
If you are just fodder, what’s the point in telling you the truth, why not just be who you want us to be for the short period of time where you can get what you want from it and then vamoosh?
Surely that means if it takes far less effort to just lie than to tell the truth right? Lying is the lowest point and men are slaves to nature. They will regress if given the slightest opportunity. It is as simple as that.
Fodder has no legs, it has no future, it takes far too much effort to be yourself with people so why be when there are a queue of other fodder waiting in the background (and often in other foregrounds too).
And here is the real issue.
You provide the Ammunition to your own demise
Women tell men information that they use against them.
When you meet someone in a bar or in real life, they don’t know a single thing about you. diddly squat. So you both start off at square one, Ground zero, it all has to start with no informed perspective. It is in some respect fair, apart from the laws of chemical attraction, but for a district moment fair.
While some people are in tune with the ways to ‘read’ people and gather suitable information about them to be their ideal candidate (if only for an evening), most can’t be arsed and just wing it. Which mean a higher percentage of people who can get through that drunken fiasco are generally set up to perhaps make something of it in the long term. I say higher percentage. They’re still plenty of douches out there.
However online, you pretty much tell us far more about you than you realise.
You actually start off at less because you put yourself out there both consciously and subconsciously.
Not only in your profile but in messages. Something the anonymity of strangers and the faceless interface of a word processing widget allows your mind to get carried away, you start emptying deep long hidden away aspects of yourself you wouldn’t normally do in your close circle, you divulge literally everything before a first encounter and literally can get any person to literally just slip into that void shape you have created and carry on the ruse of a ‘perfect fit’.
It’s like literally been given the answers to an exam paper 2 months before and wondering how someone scores so highly on it.
But since you’re consider fodder, I will provide the thought process that generally goes on behind the screens while they are pretending to be your match
Here is a female to male translation of what your profile means. These will sound harsh but I assure you the reality is far far harsher. I really do play this down. Never take for granted when the opposite sex unveils strategic battle cards about the enemy. If I can promise you something, If you’ve been on this process, someone out there thinks this about you.
single– dumped slut
married – Bored of husband and looking for a way out slut
divorced – easy slut with confidence issues
it’s complicated – cheating slut
with children – tied down slut, tied down slut who may be looking for a daddy, get in and out quickly,
recently given birth – gullible and tied down slut, probaly high on self esteem issues, probably let you bone her without protection though, worth investigating
lingerie body shot – kinda ugly double bag slut
overweight – body issue slut, probably gagging for it.
no picture – either uber ugly or uber hot slut
intimate encounter -complete whore who will sleep with you within 15 minutes of your first message to her
hang out – easy slut
generous – slut that pays for everything
just friends – easy going slut but will eventually turn psycho
wanting a relationship – slut but you have to play it cool as she’ll try and trap ya.
bubbly – boring slut
likes horse riding – expensive slut
outdoorsey – dogging slut
no strings attached – slut with an invisible fucking goat rope
likes sitting in with wine and dvds – cheap and easily entertained slut
no serious first but see how it goes – deluded slut
short profile – shy slut, may have to coax the slut out of her
older – straight forward slut
long winded profile – either very confident or very insecure slut.
close to friends and family – slut-in-a-box, protected, don’t interact with circle, they will spot your motive to screw and leave in a heartbeat, isolate slut.
single picture – looks completely different slut
myspace overhead shot– fat slut
i’m a slut – nice normal girl,RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN away
Taking home to mamma
And here is the real clincher.
No man wants to end up with a slut?
And you lady’s also say it, that you probably don’t think you will find love on the internet anyway, so why do you bother investing so much emotion into it and getting hurt in the process. Men generally don’t.
Why wouldyou believe in the man behind such a sordid process now knowing why they eventually joined up?
there are demographics that these sort of sites tend to target
- odd ones out –
- people who have been going to marriages as a single
- young people
- Those with limited free time
- experimental people
- bereaved people
- those just out of relationships
- single parents
- shift workers
- new town members
- Those who find it hard to meet people in their friend or work circle
If you’ve found yourself joining for any of the above reasons, know that you are going to be sold as fodder.
So one day one person comes along and happens to say all the right things because you’ve given him a script to read from. And you fall in love with the words (ultimately your words reflected back at you) and pictures. you conjure up an image and that image becomes your safety line in order to escape the mundaness of your current disposition in order to solve the issue as to why you joined up in the first place.
And this is the tricky bit
this image becomes far too powerful in your mind, you become addicted to it, you start checking your phone and website details constantly waiting for a reply from said person, they provide a beacon of release from your daily routine.
and it’s this part of your brain that allows the levels of lies to start creeping in.
it’s been sooo long since you have met up with someone who made you feel alive and just like after waiting an hour for a bus in the rain, you don’t care if it takes you on the longer route home or if it breaks down or if its crowded or leaking, you think its far better than being left in the rain.
Who’s to blame?
But who’s fault is it for these lies
Do you blame a dolphin for swimming or an eagle for flying?
I’m a bit of a cynic here and say it’s actually the fault of the people being lied to, and that is because they let it happen.
But this isn’t gender specific
take strip clubs, high end prostitution and late night call lines, heck take even the people who run these sites for men.
Anytime there is money changed over with regards to men having some sexual fantasy involving women, they are being lied to by these women.
But then again, that at least is for a financial value that isn’t necessarily hidden away. it’s out in the open.
Men allow the lie to happen as it holds no weight for them in their psyche. The truth at that momment in time is completely irrelevant, all that matters is ‘being’ in the moment. They have reality waiting for them back at home and they are fine with that.
However, when men lie to women, They don’t particularly do it solely for financial reasons (you get the old tight bastard who becomes a leech over time but never eventually), they initially do it for crazy reasons,
- self gratification,
- the demeaning of others,
- life long insecurity (both passive and aggressive tendencies)
- sadistic tendencies,
- sexual conquests,
- peer pressure,
Actually i know this first hand.
Sex, Lies and Videotapes
A friend of mine a couple of years ago met a girl and i was staying with him at the time, he had a bit of a mouth about and for some reason, his bravado claims about stuff were never what I thought them to be. So one night while staying with him when he brought this girl back and they ended up having sex.
After she left, he told me of all the freaky stuff they had did and all this other malarky and really did talk the boystrous talk, nothing particularly upbeat about this lady, she was just simply some meat, not for any real reason, I didn’t prompt him at all. I suppose in someways some of my tales had gotten back to him and wanted to use this as a ‘trial by fire’ acceptance piece. god knows why, we’d been friends from when we thought girls were yucky, i used to play with his toys, as an avid ‘non-toy lender’, i found his sharing ability very brave considering my disastrous klaw like handsso he was already in my good books.
so i took it but i didn’t believe it. But I let him think he had the benefit of the doubt
The truth of the matter is that I had kinda had enough of these tall tales so with this opportunity, I kinda set him up with a secret camera in the bedroom before anything happened
and I recorded the whole thing.
or should I Say NOTHING. Because that is what happened. Nothing
Till this day, he doesnt’ know that I really know and i take his newer stories with 2kg chunks of rock salt. I just sit back and secretly smile
If you are reading this and you think it’s you, it’s not, it’s er…..someone else :p
The bottom line
All sorts of weird stuff
So in the circle of life, women get lied to and have their hearts broken
Men get lied to and have their wallets emptied.
When a relationship starts going sour, both will look to different aspects in order to fill that void.
Here’s another story
My brother is a serial dater but he is the worst kind, he gives hope to the hopeless. a devil with the face of an angel so to speak.
He’s been seeing this girl for ten years and they don’t really do much together, infact, because she is just laid back, he brings her home for extended periods of time and pretty much gets high, screws and cooks for her and kicks her out when he’s not seeing anyone. infact, she is referred to as his 9 to 5, because on the weekend, he’ll go out chasing some new tail.
he does this from time to time, infact, when he first met her, his previous 9 to five saw her in his car and started to make a big riot, to which she happily sat back as his new flavour of the month and watched this poor lady go to pieces over her mistreated heart. And she relished in that moment.
That is another thing entirely, so many people are willing to live in the lie as long as they aren’t the one lied to. I know soooo many people who are willing to be with a person in a relationship because they see it as he is the one cheating. But if that is how you are going to start a relationship,how do you think it is going to end up ending. You have this classic moment of seeing how your relationship is going to end before you even start it.
But that is the way my brother is with women.
So anywho, he has found this new weekend shift lady he visits on the weekend and for some reason or another, mistrust started brooding in his 9 to 5 so she checked his phone and saw messages from the weekender.
in an angry rage, she confronted him and he said..ahahahahaha, oh man, wait for it, hahahahaha
the phone wasn’t his
the phone and the phone number she has called him on for the last ten years wasn’t his, and it belonged to myother brother who never goes anywhere near his room, and tha was his girlfriend.
so you know what, ahahahaha, oh man, this is genius, she ahahaha, went and wooooooooo asked him if it was true, and he said YES
and she believed it,
My sister called me up to tell me this story, i just shook my head in complete awe.
The real reason is why?
Why when faced with the truth do people not believe it.
She must know, MUST know.
This woman is in her mid 30s and has put all her eggs into pleut DNA. worst investment ever.
infact, my brother got offered a job abroad recently and he said he is just going to leave her without saying anything, leave the country. can you imagine, ten years and then dust. ahahahahahahahaha,
and she thinks she’s going to marry him, just like the hundreds of others…
what a waste of a soul…oh well….
Alot of people will put the emphasis on the liar being at fault, however, if i tell you this is a weapon of mass destruction and you believe me, you can go to bed thinking that i am indeed a deceitful soul but I will go to bed thinking you are an absolute fucking idiot.
who has the bigger smile on their face?
believing liars is an inability to separate reality from fiction. words are ultimately a sign of a fictitious world, the only thing we can really be judged on are our actions.
Don’t get me wrong, you can give people the benefit of the doubt without being paranoid every word they say may be a lie.
when you first start walking a baby, you let their arms go and you allow them to try and take a couple of steps BUT you know they will fall and you will be there to catch them eventually.
you don’t BELIEVE they will walk on their first go and then get your heart shattered when they dont.
you ACCEPT their falling is an inevitability and sooner or later when they wanna take it seriously, they’ll stop falling, and they eventually do.
So it doesn’t mean you have to be cold and change your ways, you just move your goalposts of things that matter.
How can you love someone you’ve never met?
How can you miss someone you’ve never seen?
How can someone who you don’t know you move you to tears?
These are ideas that are ridiculous but we fool ourselves into believing because the allure is so damn strong. it’s the same power that has people crying at movies but we are able to see them unfolding there as false yet real life and not having our lives on a big screen don’t.
The good thing with blogging is that you can, everything that is written down can be documented and I can go back and re-read things and then if i ever get caught up in things, i can myself as i see it from another person’s perpsective as completely hog wash.
But alot of people don’t see themselves when they are in these situations, they get starry eyed and that is the problem. Worst still they overcomplicate the utter simplicity of the male psyche.
the first thing that generally crosses your mind is 90% the right answer. Even if it is not, there is one thing I learnt
THere was a german film a few years ago called the lives of others about this ex nazi who used to interrogate people. He was incredibly good.
He said, when you are telling someone they are lying, when they are actually telling the truth, it is incredibly frustrating for the accused and their understanding will eventually turn to anger. They will start a fight
A real liar will always try and cover it up, more often with another lie. They will try and pacify you
Those who are telling the truth confront you as being crazy, Liar sympathises with your ‘misunderstanding’.
The bigger the lie, the more likely this is to be true.
IN the heat of the moment, I’ve never heard anything more truthful. If this is the only thing you take from this piece, I urge you to wear it around your life and to please pass it on
Losers in Love
but then you MUST know you are lying to yourself, YOU MUST.
I’ve had many a rational conversation with people about this and when they are in the lie zone, they can’t hear anything.
infact, i’ve probably spent more time trying to sort out other people’s problems then meeting up with people, that’s my helpful nature.
You can always tell a victim of deceit by their vocabulary
BUT becomes their favourite word
- But he was so nice
- But he only wanted to borrow a little bit of money
- but he wouldn’t do that to me
- But he’s just lost his job
- But he wants to leave her
- But they only have a kid together, he doesn’t love her
- But he told me it wasn’t serious
- but he told me he would
now, the real but is that you’re an idiot.
all idiotic stories always start off with a ‘I only just, or it was only for a second, or i thought i could trust him, or he seemed nice’
Is there any hope?
In a nut shell, probably not,
The internet dating medium is presented as an answer and no matter how you try, you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.
so how do you make sure people are telling the truth
you change and you see how they change
You know those high maintenance women out there that seem to have their pick with men?
it’s because they adapt.
a lie or liar needs consistency to their ploys. liars can’t adapt by their nature, they need you to remain the same in order to make it work.But you must assess their actions and NOT their words.
But a man who likes you will wait two hours for you in the rain, have a date cancelled on him on the last minute, pay and arrange for everything, not have sex with you for months and months be ignored, cater to you turning up uninvited, be the centre of your attention, pick really awkward places for them to meet you at really awkward times, be paraded around your friends and family, not see each other for ages, be spontaneous with you and also planned and will work to your pace and not his with regards to relationship development.
All his actions to deal with this chaos will show he wants you, trial the mother fucker by fire!!!!
If he doesn’t, you’re either not worth it, or he is a liar. Both not traits you want in a partner, so there is no losing here.
this is true by the way.
It’s happened to both of my other siblings
Exhibit A and B and C
being promised lots of sex, a girl invited him over to her place, he got there and instead, there was a full house of people awaiting to have dinner with him, he completely froze and after ten minutes, he literally ran away. She caught him by the balls as nothing more than a deceit after one thing, it was glorious, I laughed for days.
Similar thing my sister did, she had a date with a guy and she turned up with her cousin and husband who basically mug shot him thinking he might molest her and took all his car and id details, it was like he was a victim (they took frontal and side pics with him with his driving license, soooo funny), he went all funny for the rest of the night and she knew he was a bum from then, and they had been talking all rosy for 4 months prior on the phone and internet, one tiny deviation from his lie and he was a fish out of water.
And I’ve had a date when someone’s parents also showed up 😦 but i soldiered forward, like a gingerbread man version of tom hanks in saving private ryan 😉 Because she was worth it.
liars are ultimately control freaks and can’t march to other people’s beat. so you want a man to tell the truth, cease control of the situation and make it too difficult for him to lie, and he’ll eventually get bored or show himself up.
don’t believe me, try it. Women don’t understand the powers they possess sometimes, it’s really quite sad when you think about it. Men are the simplest entities in the universe to comprehend, how women have allowed them to be the most dominant force on this planet is completely beyond my understanding. Completely.
You wouldn’t see xena taking this shit. you’d get a flamethrower to the face.
I’ve written various pieces about this dating phenomenon as it kinda irks me, to read other content please click on one of the links below