My 10 commandments


Fat Head’s taking time off for ‘depression’

The original cloud muncher has run away to build a new universe or something and has left me in charge for a year.

I realised his original commandments were a lil bit on the passive side, lots of ‘do nots’ but not enough ‘dos’,. probably a product of the social unrest of the times.

It’s quite funny though, if our primary needs were dealt with, these secondary ones would probaly never have to be an issue.

so with that, and this unprecedented opportunity, I’ve come to give them a remix.

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DRUMROLL

Thou shalt learn to let go first

Thou shalt laugh uncontrollably at least once a day.

Thou shalt take risks

Thou shall not wallow in past grievances but grow from them and move on.

Thou shalt learn to like and love yourselves rather than trying to seek approval from others

Thou shall live as if to receive the kingdom of heaven, while on earth. However, obtaining a reward for such deeds should never be the motivation to gain entrance to said Kingdom.

Thou shalt mingle

Thou shalt help our fellow neighbour, especially in times of silent requests

Thou shalt boogie like no one is watching

Thou shalt either slip song lyrics into general conversation without anyone noticing

Thou shalt tell amazing tales of their journeys.

Thou shalt remember the trials and tribulations of the past, in order to not repeat them.

Thou shalt spend more time making sure their loved ones know they are loved.

Thou shalt not replace financial worth with emotional worth when it comes to enriching your offspring.

Thou shalt have at least one colossal fuck up in your life and be cool with that, it makes you a more interesting character

Thou shalt actively support domestic and international communities in need, not just empty your wallets once a year, money does not solve anything, only your actions do.

Thou shalt learn how to kiss in a way that makes your stomach knot and your knees tremble

If access to the kingdom of heaven is veto’d, thou shalt be pointed and laughed at.

Thou shalt take out the bin and do the washing up, even if it’s not your turn

Thou shalt help me get some of my deity powers back from those power hungry doormen who think the type of shoes you wear are going to make you rowdy and they won’t let you into their overpriced pretentious shitty establishments.

Thou shalt breathe

Thou shalt stop,  corroborate and listen…

Thou shalt tell a sweet small lie every day

Thou shalt use your fucking common sense

Thou shalt go for that, which the heart desires

Thou shalt all win a car because you came to my show , and you get a car and you get a car and you and you and you

Though shalt add an extra 4 inches to all those well proportioned midgets out there in the world under 5 3 and keep their hot body calve to thigh ratios and pixie personalities because they art like off the hizzzzzle…..eth

Thou shalt serve hot cross buns all year round, fuck Jesus….

To clarify, thou shalt not fuck Jesus….without his consent

Thou shalt serve Mcdonald’s breakfast all day long

Thou shalt bring back the Mcrib and leave it back

Thou shalt provide happy meal toys you actually give two shits about

Though shalt bring back KNIGHTMARE, Fun House and Finders keepers

Thou shalt expose Neil Buchannon for the lying bastard he is on art attack ,for never doing those major art pieces by himself, the heart breaking mofo

Thou shalt bring back Quantum Leap

Thou shalt explain to me exactly who did frame Roger Rabbit?

Thou shalt anoint Antione from Eurotrash and make him my prophet on earth, oh and that voice over girl who sounds like she might be hot but actually could be minging, so you’d double bag it, just in case.

Thou shalt tell the  ex-redhead from grey’s anatomy that her show sucks and she should come back to the main line up.

Thou shalt make love like the world is about to end, every, single, time….

Thou should all learn how to cook awesomely in at least two ethnic/regional specialties

Thou should do something that scares them, at least once a year but aim to complete it daily.f

Thou shalt rave in the rain

Thou shalt find the bastards that put push signs on pull doors and burn the fuckers alive…

Thou shalt prank their friends and neighbours, until one of you crosses the line and it gets really serious, then continue way beyond since that’s when it starts to get real funny…

Thou shalt melon but thou shalt not grape

Thou should never let anything get to you, life is short and thou should spend more of it with a smile on your face than anything else

Thou shalt make gloves, not wars

Thou shalt take more pictures of memorable times in your life, not just the happy ones.

Thou shalt also pull funny faces in said picture and stop having one generic smile throughout the history of your fucking documented life that makes you look mildly retarded.

If Thou art a man, Thou should walk down the Aisle to Aloe Blacc’s ‘I’m the Man’, on thou’s wedding day

Thou shalt get me some more tablets to write this shit on, I mean c’mon Moses, i’m running outta room here, haven’t you seen how wordy I am on my blog, GAAAAAWWWWDDDD!!!, freakin’ amateurs..and what’s with the fucking big numbers on the tablets anyway, idiot  bah. >.>

Thou shalt www.gaybeast.com and www.petsex.com once a quarter to realise you aren’t the most disturbed person on the planet.

If thou hast got a profile and videos up on these sites, see point and laugh clause

Thou shalt bite the bullet and make sure you let that person you like, know you like them, even if it’s not reciprocated

Thou shalt spend Sundays naked and sporadically covered in nutella.

Thou shalt not believe everything they read in the news, or the internet

Thou shalt say sorry and mean it

Thou should write at least one fictional and non-fictional story before kicking the bucket.

Thou shalt find a new spelling for the word wrong, because it’s just Ronge at the moment

Thou shalt realise that people are just human and regardless of whether they want to or not, they will let you down. thou doesn’t make them any worse as a person. just strong and weak in different ways than you are. You probably already have let them down in a light  you are unaware of.

Thou shall chill the fuck out.

If though can, though should teach

If thou realises that a friend has slipped in a song lyric into a conversation, thou must slip one in too, forcing you to both burst out into said song eventually.

If thou has limited knowledge on a subject, thou should go and ask someone who does, before running their mouth and talking shit.

Instead of hate, thou should tolerate

Thou shalt be more open about their problems for you  never know who may be going through the same thing who could help or who you could help.

Thou shalt know thyself and act accordingly so you don’t always come across as a tit.

Thou shalt realise that regardless of race creed or colour, men and women are all legendary and douches wrapped up into one big bag of awesomeness

Thou shalt no be scared when it comes to your time of death, not because there’s a heaven or shit (because realistically, thou shall probably be too rubbish to get tpassed the holy doormen of death, with your wrong shoes on) BUT because thou shalt have lived every day to the fullest with absolutely no regrets

Thou should hug more

Thou shalt learn to finally forgive

Thou shalt learn how to count to ten.

.

That was refreshing, let me know what your ten commandments would be if you had the chance

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