I be(LIE)ve in fairy tale endings…don’t you?
Here ye, here ye,
Mi harties, I do have something instore for you all today…. Feast your eyes on this beautiful prize
No, not the magic lamp that will give each user one BONAFIDE wish, but something far far more valuable and coveted over…
Come gather round folks and bear witness to what Walt Disney, Christianity and the American Dream have all promised us since we were lil bags of gullible consumer oriented shits.
THe HAPPILY EVER AFTER THAT IS MARRIAGE
Yes ladies and gentleman, for all of us who have yet to have found this shangrila, I have found some people from the kingdom of happily ever after who have come on vacation in ‘loser-single’ ville and who have agreed to give us an indication of what this beautiful dream is like. Mmmmmm I can almost smell your anticipation of getting an inside track of finding out what it is like to live the dream
First off, the tale of the handsome knight who set out on a quest, had all his friends killed, slayed a dragon to rescue his fair maiden from the evil witch.
OOOOOOh, such bliss, this gives me goosepumps looking forward to a maiden who perhaps may just be being kidnapped by one armed salamander to go and rescue (papa never could afford to send me to fight school *sniff*)
But if you scallywags are not yet conviced, perhaps the point of view of the coveted princess, the fair maiden who’s virgin ass has been hauled up in a tower for many moons waiting for her prince. Please note because she is in a chastity belt, she probably smells a lil bit like wee but this shouldn’t put you off future heroes, that shit washes out
well shiver my timbers has ever a happier word been said about being a marital relationship. One doth hope not. For those son’s a bitches would be lying i tell ye, this is grade A legit romance here.
But I tell you what, if you still really aren’t convinced, I’ve got this lil bonafide gem for you. Don’t say I never do anything for you mofos…
The Other woman’s POV
This is a one in a lifetime opportunity to see something DIsney don’t tell you about.
Behold an opinion of the Princessess’ best friend who ended up sleeping with the prince on the slide after her gentle man realised that his beloved heir to the thrown took a striking resemblance to the stable boy, ungo bongo
Now you see the prince ends up seeing the friend after the princess is out of town and asks him to check in on her, after which they both get drunk and the princes manages to stick his sword in the brown sticky sheathe he never managed at home. Now the mate wants him to leave her friend for her and entices him with nurses outfits, and this sounds pluasible when she is doing that thing with her tongue on his royal crown, but as soon as he dumps his load on her chin, he recoils any sudden decisions, but can’t seem to stay away since his current princess has gone through a post-natal depression after giving birth to his ugly son and no longer has the time or energy to take a dump on his chest.
I bet they didn’t tell you about that in lion king
so there you have it, the dream that is happily ever married in all its glory. There’s a two for one sale going, today only, who wants some????
Please note at anytime if your happily married after is faulty, not working, or just seriously fucked up, there is no lifetime warranty, heck there isn’t even a three second warranty, you just have to slur in it until one of you have the great idea to just shoot the other one in the head. just ask wongo bongo…
Oh, after all that you want the lamp, and the wish, ok fine, but don’t go wasting it on true love or anything. Good day customer, please come again..