Welcome to hotel California

There are alot of ‘me’s, and the majority of you may only ever encounter one but I thought I should introduce you to some of them in my own unique manner.  A quick note that this isn’t necessarily how I or we see ourselves but it’s probably the best way to explain our dynamic to you and yourselves. So take heed and pay close attention.



I would like to describe to you a hotel, a specific hotel and how it operates. If you know how a business and staff operates, then you will understand how to get the best out of it or how to get it to run properly.


Firstly you have the owner of a hotel.

Unfortunately he has not come into this business willingly and has been passed it from an older relative who passed away. This older relative looked after him dearly when he was younger and went out of their way to make sure that they worked hard to secure a legacy for him, even to put aside their own wishes and wants in order to make sure that he was capable of taking care of himself in the future.

So with the deepest regret, he had been passed this hotel in his will and feels deeply obligated in order to keep it and its legacy running. Truth be sold, he’d rather sell the place or even knock the whole place down and get rid but he know he can’t and must push on. It’s very bittersweet.

Since he is such an emotional wreck, he is atually never quite fit enough to run the business and infact he is only a owner by name, he wastes his days sittibng in his office, drinking and being miserable, going over the burden of his disposition. He was happy before, he was free and he looked at life with such veril and optimism. But once the reality of his luxury was firmly built upon the misery of others, his eyes could not shut his eyes to this reality and he was burdened with the responsibility of doing what was right, rather than what he wanted but he couldn’t get over the shock. in this respect, he is still quite simply a sad little boy



So with this his wife tends to run things.

A strong female figure who absolutely adores and loves her husband but understands that things must be done. She has tried many times to console him but realises that she is just simply unable to be apathetic towards him. She wasn’t brought up that way, she was brought up to get things done. So her love for her husband is manifested in keeping the hotel running and keeping it profitable.

She was originally quite a girly girl but has decided to get her hands stuck into the business. Any time in is spent returning to her girly mode but she always has her mind on taking care of affairs and making sure her husband is in a managable state. She will never leave him and she loves him albeit she is not in love with him anymore, she is not the man she married but she takes her ’till death do us part’ line very seriously. She has her own worries and goals but  has set them aside for the one she loves

Without her there would be no Hotel.



Then we have the front of house hotel manager

This is an incredibly charming individual, well spoken polite, delicate and is ultimately a people pleaser. He makes sure all the devestation happening in the back of house never comes across to the guests of the facility. he is incredibly skilled with dealing with the requests of the guests that stay there. he does everything he can to accommodate and deal with any issues they have.

Like most good front of house members, he best treats guests on a one to one basis but can manage a long term rapport with regular  visitors. He is quite the skilled charmer and loved once before but never again and seems to set himself up for the impossible tasks…and suceeds. He’s just that good and his shit doesn’t stink. He always seems somehow to have an ace up his sleeve

No one knows why he works at this specific hotel, his position was not advertised and he is worth far more than they offer him, yet he is content and is a keystone to the sucess of the business.



There is the bus boy, who  doesn’t even want to be here but for some odd reason, he can’t afford to work anywhere else and he gets a free turdy room in the hotel. he has very little regard for authority and really hates  taking part in his general duties. While he can act like a people person, he doesn’t really care for his guests or his job, he takes quite a lot of enjoyment out of their misery.

Generally he can end up taking over from the front of house on a busy night shift when he is busy dealing with other matters or has retired for the evening for a quick drink in teh hotel bar. he finds nothing more enjoyable that stirring up unnecessary issues with other visitors. Aside from that, he is quite lethargic and highly sarcastic and finds the entire buiness to be one pointless scam. He also has a very very dark sense of humour and has been known to frighten the odd guest puerly for his own amusement.

He also tends to see things that people don’t and was quite happy to mention them before but since a few reprimands from senior staff, he just lets things go by and is often found ironically smiling to himself moments before the shit hits. He is clearly highly intelligent and his virtues are lost on performing more tedious jobs but life doesn’t always deal his cards. He is simply waiting for his time to shine as he believes all good things eventually come to those who wait, and as a youngster, he has time on his side.



And then there’s the man with no name who resides in room 1408.

No one visits the fourth floor since the fire. The button on the lift has been taken off and access to the floor via any other means (aka the fire exit) have been sealed off. While no one knows of this person, they all feel his presence. he simply waits, he doesn’t argue or stir.

You see the other staff of the hotel believe his is actually the twin Elder brother of the owner, originally presumed dead and actually the rightful owner of the hotel.

A one man show who could actually run the entire business on himself but ultimately run it and everything he touches into the ground. His overall influence is strong and everything is done by the other members of the hotel to keep him where he is but ultimately each step they take may ultimately let him out.

Some believe while the others are sleeping, he manages somehow to leave his room and walk freely throughout the hotel as he pleases, causing as much mayhem as possible in the moonlight sky, on his own terms, only for everything to erradicate and turn back to normal in the morning, as if it were all a dream. There is a strong feeling that he is simply biding his time

You see since the fire, no one really knows for sure whether the owner in the room is the who he says he is or is actually the previous occupier of room 1408, and if the current person residing in room 1408 is actually the real owner, trapped away and ultimately unabel to take on the responsibility of the hotel himself. It’s almost like that film ‘The man in the iron mask’ where leonardo de caprio played twin brothers rulers of the king of france. One father locked one twin away in fear he may fight for the crown and there was a bad twin who was allowed to rule, while the musketeers had to swap him for the truly eligible good twin in the mask.

In this one, no one dares attempt any such manoeourvre, truth be told, if any of them resumed active duty, the hotel would no longer function and everyone else would be without work.

It’s too risky to venture and find out. either way as long as the twins are somewhat predisposed, the hotel will still be able to run smoothly and would eventually turn to ashes again


LES Others

Unfurtunately I don’t have time to tell you about all the others in detail but I’ll give you an idea of what some of them are like

The Chef that loves to eat and hates to wash up

THe old man who sits in the chair, has no family and has ideas on how to solve everything

The chaffeur that drives like an old lady

The floor mopper who has his earphones in all day and dances to music like a raving looney, he clearly thinks he can move better than the reality

The electrician with a weird obsession with superhero stuff

The pot cleaner who is a mute by choice and only wishes to lock herself away and scream as loudly as possible where no one can hear her.

The Barman with OCD  and the addictive personality with the odd drinking/gambling problem…

The old room service cleaning lady who happens to always cry at sad musics and talk about the good ol days, she has no friends poor bint.

The waiter with a very kinky private life and a strange fondness for balloons

The gardener who is ironically got hayfever and a bit of a thrill seeker

The homeless tramp that lives outside, with 99 degrees who is simply waiting for a job opportunity to take him away.

The part time plumber who comes to refurbish the bathrooms and also likes to write in his spare time.

The nightguard with a rubbish grade martial arts belt but is actually quite scared of physical confrontation. He actually screams like a girl when surprised

and so on and on and on and so forth…

We all manage to play our own part in the sucess failure of the business and truth be told, we kinda enjoy working together, it’s like having a little family. And most of us wouldn’t have it any other way

*group hug, apart from the trampy guy*


SO that is pretty much it.

I hope this may help provides some form of pseudo-insight into me, although knowing me, this will probably leave you no more the wiser than when i started, I have a knack for the cryptic but at least it may give you something to think about, either about How I think its best you see me or about how you may reflect on how you see yourself.

So now that you have been bestowed with all this miraculous knowledge, I have only one thing to ask you….

Would you like to check in?

It’s a lovely place…such a lovely place…