Tell out my soul…
Carol: so doctor put me out of my misery, is it bad
Doctor: well …there is no easy way to tell you this but we believe your symptoms provide us with enough evidence to suggest you have cancer
Carol: OMG, cancer at my age, what type.
Doctor: It’s ôkànemia, better known as a cancer of the soul
Carol: Of the soul? is that possible?
Doctor: Well, recent breakthroughs in science has allowed us to be able to detect the human subconcious formerly abstract concepts and to quantify them. They have been the key to unravelling and thrusting the medical world we live in into the future.
Carol:Well that’s all fine and dandy but you’ve just told me i have fucking cancer,
Doctor: My apologies, Is there anything you’d like to ask?
Carol:Am I going to die?
Doctor: Well, we caught it early so you may be able to live a long but adjusted life.
Carol: How does one show signs of fucking ghost soul cancer, I’m absolutely fine physically, I only came in for a headache
Doctor: Well like I said, this isn’t a physical notion, it is a lump on your soul. If originally is formed during traumatic times and can stay undetected for many years, then some latent triggers in the change of your lifestyle may cause it to grow. We were quite lucky you found it. You said you had somewhat of a unique childhood
Carol: Yes, my mother died giving birth to me and no matter how much my father tried to love me, I could always see in his eyes that he blamed me from taking her away from him. They didn’t tell me anything about my mom until i was much older. I always thought my step mom was my real mother. But I don’t see how that has anything to do with anything. I’m completely fine with that.
Doctor: Well you recently had an abortion it says on the record
Doctor: Well that abortion seems to have trigged off a cataclysic cist we found just on the outside of your core of your soul. I mean you can already tell by the shift in your behaviour, your colleagues and friends say you have become distracted and somewhat distant.
Carol:Well it’s just what happens when you go through something traumatic. Isn’t it? Look I’ve told everyone I’m fine and it was eventually the right decision to make at the time. But life’s always thrown shit at me and i’ve come through fine, i don’t see why this time should be any different.
Doctor: Well perhaps but your prognosis showed this incident triggered increase adrenline into your guilt gland and caused a rapid formation of the dormant tumour. Your medical social history shows that you are prone to a full meltdown from this growing tumour. previous works have been done to use alternate means of taking care of the ôkànemia tumours with theraphy and other new age manners. however the breakthrough of science shows we can undergo surgery and cut it out before it spreads and consumes your entire soul.
Carol:Wait before, you said its on the outside of my soul, so is my soul a complicated thing
Doctor: Well only complicated if you haven’t studied it for seven years, the doctors are this facility are highly experienced in this type of procedure, infact our senior surgeon, Dr Cornell was the one that pioneered the technique we will be using on you today and was the first one to perform this surgery sucessfully back in 2036.
Carol: What are my options then, do I have to go through with this operation?
Doctor: Well again, you can try theraphy and so forth but we don’t exactly know how this tumour will manifest itself as once it becomes mobile and starts to traverse across your subconcious. So it’s almost futile at this stage. You could leave it and hope that it may not totally consume you, although a tumour of this type has been known to have a 65% cripple rate and has been heavily associated with those who end up commiting suicide or killing sprees before they take their own lives. Or we can perform some cutting edge surgery and do our best to isolate and destroy the tumour. The aftercare
Carol: So how exactly is this going to happen
Doctor: Well, first of all we are going to put you under and then enter your subconcious, We will go in through your dispair, and take a path through dissapointment and turmoil. We will try and respect your privacy and avoid guilt and shame regions but that may not always be possible. We will then set up camp at the core near your soul and with a high intensity laser, we’ll try and vindicate the tumour and the surrounding supporting tissue.
Carol: What do you mean by surrounding tissue
Doctor: Well the region where the tumour is located on is near your trust and love regions, so we unfortunately will have to take considerable portions of those regions out during surgery. These tissues are likely to cause remission and rapid spreading of your cancer. At that stage then it will break down the walls of the core of your soul to your deepest darkest being and will become inoperable. At its current rate then it will become inoperable and will lead to a full extermination of your soul within 3 months.
Carol: Wow, that is scary…sorry i just need a bit of time to deal with this…..What happens next then if i agree to go through with the operation?
Doctor: The aftercare will then take you for emotionotheraphy, where you will re-educated in obtaining and experssing feelings around the weak tissue areas and work to lead a balanced life and interact with others in a less damaged manner.
Carol: Hmmm I see
Doctor: There may be one bonus to the operatio though, While in there, we can also perform some cosmetic surgery on your persona if you like, we can can control the concentration of different mixtures of emotional clusters and therefore make you more confident by removing clusters of your shy regions and so on and so forth. We also have special nanites we can implant into certain areas, type of like an emotional botox injection to do short term boosts to certains areas as well which may help supplment your recovery and rehabilitation into everyday life. Is this something you’d like to consider miss crawford?
Carol: no…wait…my name isn’t miss crawford, it’s Miss Cranford.
Doctor: Oh…well….this is embarassing, it seems i have the wrong file, let me quickly just check yours here on my desk, i do apologise
Doctor: Ah there we go, miss Cranford….well the good news is that you don’t have ôkànemia, our results just showed you are an Asshole
Carol: A what?
Doctor: An asshole, A.S.S.H.O.L.E, aka a horrible fucking cunt and it’s uncurable. Please watch this tape on the ailment to familiarise yourself with it.
Carol: Ah, thats the best news I’ve had all day, thank you doctor, does that mean my soul is intact and will be fine?
Doctor: Well it would be if you had one in the first place, you are colder than a Fritzel flavoured ice lolly stuck up a polar bear’s ass
Carol: So what do i need to do the
Doctor: Just take two panadol daily and stop being a cold twat. your headache should clear by the end of the week
Carol: Thanks Dr Bishop
Doctor: Anytime, take care. Oh and if you are having difficulties being less irritating, I recommend watching this twice a day everyday until the migranes die down
Carol: wow, that’s helped already, thanks dr
Doctor: No problem have a good day….tosser…