Nothing to report

No woman no cry

Right, I’ve given myself the challenge of writing an article on nothing. Apparently if you are a decent enough writer you can write about absolutely nothing and still keep your viewers interested so here goes


Well as always let’s look at the definition of the term itself to get us started

Well that’s helped about as much as a stab in the ass.

I fear this may be harder than expected, I mean I can’t even imagine nothing, everytime I try to think of it, something pops into my head.

Nothing is the only thing we as human beings can’t quantify, or describe. It is simply the absence of everything else. Absolutely everything. Kinda scary when you put your mind to it.

The funny thing is when you think about it, the majority of anything is pretty much nothing. You think of space and you know how vast it is, and how black it is and how only the tiny stars brighten up the night sky. Alot of outer space is just vast expanding emptiness

On a smaller scale when you think of the structure of an atom, it is this tiny nucleii and then it has this mass orbiting space of electrons buzzing around it. They say that if the nucleus was the size of a grain of sand, then the electrons would be spinning around on an orbit larger than the size of a football stadium

They say that  and then you think of the charges on them and how nothing is touching. So when we feel like we are in contact with something, what we are actually feeling is a repelling charge of the electrons from two sets of atoms in close proximity to one another, so there’s still always some space between things, equating to more nothing. Science definitely has always had a way of messing with your head.

Again it shows that the majority of everything we know is actually made up of empty space. Even the densest materials we can think of is made of a a high percentage of nothingness (being the pedantic bastard i am, empty space is actually something, not nothing but it’s just being used in this subject matter for simplicity of constructive an ‘interesting’ narrative).

With regards to the news, you’d never be able to tune in late at night at Ten O’clock and hear trevor mcdonald going tonight on the news, there is fuck all to report, go back to watching babestation. Their jobs are to inform us on everything.

On good friday 1930, there was no news, I learnt this badboy frm QI, wooo, They ended up playing music for ten minutes, imagine that.You’d never imagine something like that happening today, in the age where we thrive for constant information. Instead you’d get a bulletin about a middle aged yorkshire farmer who had lost his shoe for two minutes and then managed to find it under his bed 45 seconds later (right next to his other shoe).

Saying that though, the absence of anything can make for some quite powerful art.

In the 1950s, a cheeky smart bastard named John Cage created a musical masterpiece called 4’33 which was effectively 273 seconds of total silence. Quite the remarkable piece, they wanted to bring it back as a stand against the typical xfactor winning christmas pieces. It would have been quite a big statement against the music industry if it had one, one i’m sure it wouldn’t have been able to recover from. Thus shows the power of silence

Another old tale I’ve read was a psychology exam giving at university, where the examiner had asked them to define courage. Everyone else was writing like mad going into an indepth analysis of it, the minimum the next person wrote was 8 pages. One student though decided to write practically nothing and answered with simply

“This is Courage”

To this day he is the only person to have achieved 100% in that exam. Simply defining the power to not act at all when expected to and showing the power of nothing as the truest form of expression is something quite remarkable.

With regards to other art forms,  we always are jetting off to go and see things and read about old things that happened, but you would think that no one would spend money to see something wherre nothing happened but you’d be quite surprised, I mean take a look at this below

It’s simply a chair, probably a brand new chair in a brand new building and it’s contribution to history has been zilch, apart of course that its zilchness has now become something because it’s a focal point of interest. Alot of people would look over this and think it’s a completely worthless piece of junk. Personally I wouldn’t buy it but i might visit it, as it forms some point of reflection and how over eons and how everythign has contributed to something, here is a piece that doesn’t add. But then adds by not adding. The mind is a funny old thing.

Speaking more on nothing and funny, my mother has now nicknamed me ‘no news’ since I never have anything exciting or interesting to say when she calls.

No ups

no downs

no purchases

no sorrows

no laughs

no peril

no sheer moments of awe inspiring genius

no laughs

no woman

no cries

no no no no no no  no no no no no no THERE’S NO LIMIT

no regrets (like edith piaf, or robbie williams for those of you who aren’t aware)

Going back to the point on no purchases, A few years ago, I think some people decided to try a no buy day. The concept is actually very powerful and one day with no purchases (especially a day like xmas even or the last weekend before xmas) could actually cripple an economy. Personally I think in a capitalist society, it’s the best way of taking a major stand against the government and would do far more than any sort of protest. The only problem is community cohesion since you’ll always find one bastard who ends up buying something and everyone else would end up sheeping back to their normal lives.

you know it’s true, even in one minute silences when you ask everyone to keep quiet and to not say anything, some twat will go and decide to make fart noises and stuff. Actually thinkign about it, alot of people also decide to not eat or drink nothing as a sign of strength. The islamic have a holy month of fasting where they eat and drink nothing (and some even don’t swallow their own spit), in order to relate to the poor and to also test the strength of their faith. people with eating disorders also tend to go through periods of eating nothing in order to have a strong hold on one aspect of their lives, especially when they feel helpless in others.

not this bastard though, this mother fucker is just pure tramp, hahahaha.

One thing is strikingly true about nothing. Everything at one point in time or another before it was something, was nothing. You and I, every creation, every tree, every molecule, there was a time without mobile phones ( I remember it was scary), cars, running water, clothes, supermarkets, blogs, paper, pens cognitive thought, all of that came from the depths of nothing and became something. Now that definitely is something to think about, but alas I am here to speak about nothing, so I won’t digress.

Edmund Burke once wrote,

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Which in itself is quite a powerful proactive statement, however one of my favourite heroes comes from the 2002 film hero, which I’ve blogged about in the past. It stars a character called ‘No Name’ ironically and its about his quest to kill the King of Qin. Anywho throughout the film, it tells of Nameless’ elaborous plot in order to get close enough to kill the King. In any case, through a long and wonderful discussion with the King nameless realises he isn’t the tyrant he once believed and they actually share the same goals (Albeit through different methods and different time scopes).

So with that, the King turns his back and allows Nameless to kill him. But in the end, No Name does nothing and ends up being executed BUT he is buried as a Hero in China.

Even looking on a less glamourous scale, everyone puts alot of stock in the power of voting but they don’t realise the power of the no vote. I mean if you think about it, if someone only gets 30% of the vote, that means 70% of the population don’t want him in, how can a society where the majority of people’s are left unhappy to start with, let alone when the chosen candidate starts falling through with their manifesto.

The no vote is a bad tick against them all and I think should count amongst all those members of soceity tha are old enough to vote but don’t. Then again, i think voting should be a mandatory requirement of any adult in a community. Damn, it’s so hard to keep it on nothing, I always end up slipping into something

This is quite clearly a clear example where doing nothing is actually for the good of mankind (or at least a nation).

Although to close, I think Whitney houston pretty much says it best. one someone exits your life who has placed a large part in it, you do end up feeling absolutely nothing and it’s a crazy feeling (by the by, her performance in south africa of this is quite possibly the most powerful presence i’ve seen of any performer EVER (bar miss jackson of course)).

Christ, just done over 1600 words on absolutely nothing,

now there is something 🙂