Love has Zamundan currency

I’ve realised now why I can’t get married and i’m in serious though about suing eddie murphy for it.

you see before pluto nash, he was actually quite funny (very very funny) and in his one of his earlier stints of acting he made this film (film, more like way of life) called coming to america.  It came out in 1988 and was directed by John Landis (who is the guy who directed Michael Jackson’s thriller too if anyone cares)

In it, he mostly stars at this guy called Akeem (which sounds like one of my trillion names for the sake of it, infact I thought my name was Akeem for the longest time because of this tit), who is heir to this fictional country known as Zamunda. He’s got an arranged marriage planned but he decides to go in search of a real american women who will give him some grrrrr and hasn’t been brought up to be submissive to his needs.

well you can kinda guess what happens but it’s quite a story

and this is the way it’s fucked up my life


The story is pretty much a inverse cinderella story told from the point of view of a prince. Every woman has been brought up to want to find their own prince charming but the male equivalent isn’t what it’s cut out to be. Most of the time men just want to find something hot and preferably still alive. But when surrounded by hotness and obedience, the film shows that men are actually after more, especially affluent men (although i’m not sure charlie sheen would agree with me here while’s he’s WINNING).

When the world is handed to you on a plate, it’s nice to know that the rich just don’t want to settle and that ultimately, they want to find a strong independant character to carry them through life. Also as depicted in most stories, people want to be loved for who they are and what they represent rather than what you can offer them. I came up with this phrase when I was talking to a good friend of mine a few years ago, and I still stand by it.

Love has no currency

I kinda hope this is really true where there isn’t any real influence of any material value when it comes to winning someone over. Nature says that partners are picked subconciously based on what you believe can help provide the strongest most secure offspring (biggest hunting knife, cosiest cage, widest kid bearing hips etc) i know it must since we don’t live in an ideal world but it should be something we keep to a bare minimum to at least keep its inherent spirit alive

 Delusions of grandeur

Watching Coming to america at times is like watching the ultimate episode of super sweet sixteen, cribs and the fabulous life of all rolled into one gigantic 80s diaper. Take this for example

I can’t ever fucking get married without having some similar type wedding as they did, I mean it was absolutely epic, the dance scene went on to inspire hype williams busta rhyme’s sequence in ‘if you really want to party with me’

a classic song and classic video

I’m honestly looking into getting people to throw scented roses on the ground so i don’t step onto the normal soil, me walk on pavement, how dare you all…

I can’t imagine anyone walking down the aisle without queen to be playing, it’s so damn pleasant. i’d only swap the one word in the entire song, (direction for erection (you’ll see what i mean if you listen to it).

edit: I want it in french

I am actually contemplating bringing back the Jheri curl back because the soul glo song is just so damn epic. I blame the sax player and the soul singer who literally puts everything into it. I’m this close to making a bonafide smooching mix tape and slipping this badboy into it, if anything it’d definitely get me into the mood, and in the land of coming to america, that’s all that really matters:)

** There is also a great reference to trading places i never got at as a kid where the Duke brothers, Randy and mortimer who are made bankrupt by eddie murphy playing  and dan akroyd are found as bums living on the street and are given a sizable donation to start up their businesses again. pure pure genius**


I’ve always quite liked dressing smartly, i blame my mother specifically but this film surely doesn’t help. I get dressed up in a suit sometimes to relax on a sunday, it’s that bad. The costume designers managed to give it a timelss african lookign style with a royal look which would hold well in any royal court today, i mean just check this out

The head gear is just out of this world (apart from the 6 dollar crown hahaha) but the queen Aeoleon (also best fucking name ever) dress is quite simply superb and she carries it off with such grace. i love african head gear, I think it’s probably what started my obsession with liking people having their hair up, it all makes sense now. It’s just so elegant.

And when James Earl jones takes the roayl biscuit with his formal visit to the united states to find his son, dude has a fucking Lion as a wrap around his coat, a fucking lion deepthroating its own tail. That’s like wearing obama kissing his own ass around a dress to a quick visit to blockbusters to rent a chick flick.

The irony is that this isn’t the first or last time james earl jones plays royalty. In star wars, he plays anakin sky walker, better known as darth vader and therefore the father of princess leia and luke. In the lion king he plays mustafa as well, Ironically a lion animal african king.

One day son, if you’re lucky, you’ll end up on a zamundan coat, one day…

I always did wonder what happened to mustafa’s carcus after it got royally fucked up (excused the pun) by a hoarde of wilderbeasts. That wilderness did look like it may have been situated on the border of Zamunda, oh the irony.

In any fucking case, I want it, i’m not even a fur fan but that is just epic badassery. it’s like wearing a fur rug on you, ON YOU.

I won’t even go into how incredibly amazing the music is when King Jaffe visits the states,

My bo love

If anyone has read bIbidi babidi bo, it tells a great story of my love of the bo stick as a weapon. Coming to america has such a bo love scene where Prince Akeem takes out a bum who looks surprisingly like samuel l jackson, in a hostage situation where he shows grave in the jaws of adversity. Any film with bo love gets automatic love from meeeee


bark like a dog, hop on one foot,


Sexual Chocolate

hippopatamus shit

sow his royal oats.

the royal penis is clean

you sweat from a baboon’s balls

freeze you diseased rhinocerous pizzle

To be loved to be loved, oh what a feeling to be loved…

i’ve warned you, I’d be forced to thrash you

Yes, Yes Fuck you too…

If loving the lord is wrong, I don’t wanna be right

He’s got his own money, I mean he’s got his own money



fuck you, fuck you and fuck you too, who’s next?

This crazily attractive woman

These are all things that have been tattoed into the back of my mind


feast your eyes on the opening sequence of this film. The camera first starts showing the paramount logo and elegantly blends it into the horizon as the camera flies over the fictional land of zamunda and its beautiful landscape and hovers over what can only be described as the 10th wonder of the modern world. The royal palace. That building is simply….*gasp*. I have always desired to build my own home, infact where i’m from it’s somewhat expected but anything less than this would simply be…ordinary.

plus for the scene itself, you can’t knock anything the black mambazo put their hands on, the music is simply brilliant. heck, i’d love it if they just sung the alphabet, oh wait, i’ve already done a blog on that.

The Joke

This joke took me a good fifteen years to get but it’s sooooo goood.

ahaaaaaaaaaaa, ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


yeah, it’s a good film, go watch and basque in some outlandish simple 80s love, I’ll let you know how my lawsuit goes, I’m hiring the same lawyer as Mel B so it should be good.


I really really really want the Prince of zamundaaaaaa