My fellow Americans,
As Head of the Hide-and-Seek Society, I come to you today with some bad news.
Today we have news that we have lost one of our greats, an All-Time Hall-of Famer with a RIDICULOUS record of nearly 10 years.
I’m afraid to tell you that Al’s Kid, ‘Ozzie The Bin Lad’, has passed away with an acute case of bullettotheheaditis. I know, I know, it comes to a shock to us all.
I would just like to say a few words.
I didn’t know Ozzie much, he spent most of his time on the team actually hiding, he wasn’t particularly sociable and for some reason always warned all of us to not fly. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t scared of heights though.
He was trained by some of the greats in our field. Dada, a professional peek-a-boo master (and some say magician) taught him in the arts of the stealth hiding and with modern technology, he learnt the art of doing it over the internet, it was a sensation, he’d always gets lots of hits on his youtube page when he popped up with his MC hammer ‘can’t touch this’ themesong.
Of the time we did spend together, he was such a sweet lad, he had some bickering with the Yanks and the Rozzies but who doesn’t these days. He was so sweet, he would always come to meetings with homemade vests he had made and give them out to people. There was also a time he arranged a team building exercise the the United States, He said he would get us all on flights there and it’d be ‘da bomb’ as he used to refer to it. I always felt obliged to say no though being a commity member.
I’m pretty sure he was doing a PhD, he had that kinda academic beard thing going on, and had this head scarf thing underneath. He showed me what was underneath it once, it was a pink mohawke. He said it was cool but didn’t want his mom to see, so I never told a soul.
He had this funny spat with Bushy George this one time, it was sooo funny, tore the house down, honestly you needed to be there, shame no one saw it. It was also sad when he saw his mate Amit (also known as ‘Sad Am’) get caught. Sad Am was so annoyed, he could have hung himself. Never did get hsi RSVP to the annual reunion, maybe he’s hiding again, oh well. He could rock a tash.
Oh I also remember he used to go on and on about wrestling. He would go on and on about hating The Rock. In his funny accent, it’d sound like ‘Barrack, i hate Barrack’, and I’d go ‘well clearly he’s no undertaker but he’s a fan favourite’. I got him tickets to wrestlemania one year but he was still off in Pakistan.
Anyway, I’m digressing, I always do this when I’m teary. So Ozzie…I just wanted to say…it’s been a blast…You have fun hiding in that dirt patch in the sky ol buddy ol pal…
The game just won’t be the same (or fun) without you anymore…
You’ll always be Once, twice, three times ‘The Bin Laddy’ to me…
*tears and solemn silence*
*extra points for the 3 multiple meanings of this title, (I rule)*
*for Dada reference, you’ll need to watch this video (when i can find it)…