What happens when an Unstoppable force meets an Immovable Object?


Every natural flirt out there knows that there is nothing more stimulating than seducing someone. The more resistant they are to your charms, the more you are drawn to them.

But can two seducers manage a relationship together?

Picture this

The goal of any seducer isn’t necessarily the obtainment of whoever they seduce, rather the knowledge of knowing that they have obtained the unobtainable. We are effectively high end bank theifs, or jewel robbers. We are highly crafty in breaking into some of the most heavily guarded and protected places in the entire universe and undoing billions of pounds worth of technology and counter measuring so that we can claim the greatest prize of all. Your hearts.

I can visually personify this ordeal from the beginning sequence of Return of the Pink Panther, where the Mysterious Phantom steals the Priceless Pink Panther diamond from what could only be described as an impossible fortress, and makes it seem simple.

In your early days, you’ll probably find some extremely cunning person who plays you for a fool and ransacks your entirely livelihood without you even realising it. With this in knowledge you make a solemn oath to arm yourself to the teeth with enough knowledge and experience so if said wench were to return into your life, you’d be ready. And thus starts you on the quest.

Now most of the time, you’ll find that 99.99999% of society are built in exactly the same way, once you can break into one fortress then all is well you can break into any.

You see when you end up seducing others, you end up learning from all your victims’ previous mistakes and you make your heart that bit more secure, making sure that even you on a good day may not be able to perform such a heist. But then life becomes somewhat mundane as you very quickly realise that you know longer get a thrill form gambling when there is nothing at stake and you’re guaranteed to win.

But then comes those true life stopping moments when you are met by another, who attempts to break into your fortress. For for the seducer, there is no greater prize than seducing another who is trained in the art of affectional theft. You are confroted with your equal and opposite and it soon becomes very clear you both have grown tired of interacting with the norms and see each other as a more suitable catch. So starts the forever entwinning descent to seduce each other.

Soon what you thought was your impregnatable fortress is being jumped into at such an alarming rate it’s almost as if you have no defences anyway. And your usual offences are being slapped away in their most obvious form to someone who also uses them. You both ultimately have each other’s necks and will always guaranteed to reach a stalement if you both continue on the same path.

so you decide to adapt and overcome. You know fully well that if you both decide to operate within the realm of play, you’re destined to be in an eternal deadlock, so you have to think outside of the box.

You arm yourself with no weapons but with knowledge. You tell them potentially of every move that you would make or they could make, forcing them to do the same. You tear away your fortress  and the weapons and open out the goal and leave your pink panther there for them to see. Hoping they do the same, now it’s just a test of wills to see whether you can make a dash for hers while yours in on show, like an odd capture the flag scenario. But instead something strange happens.

With both prizes on view and defences down, you both begin to enjoy each other’s company, you in a sense start courting in a normal fashion (to you) via very different means. You almost forget that you wish to guard your jewel and almost start comtemplating giving it up to them.

But then the honest returns and you realise that their goal was never to steal it, but to have it given across, and you end up in a sticky situation. How much of your encoutner is real, how much isn’t, do you even care, are you willing to take the risk. You end up for a moment behaving normally and that’s when you know you’re more than knee deep wading in a mess of your own creation.

How do you clear the flood? The answer, you don’t, you can only surrender to it. You can only lose a game if you both decide to play. once you opt out, then there’s no fun in taking something right infront of you anymore and you have to hope that the rest is enough.

The worst part of this, for some is that you realise that part of the enjoyment was always in realising that you were both partaking is the mutual art of seduction. If either party allows for themselves to be seduced, does this bubble that we have put ourselves into then fade away and life return to normality as one as the victor and another as the loser? But is there such a sthing as winning in the natural sense of the notion if a game isn’t being played, or is it never really possible to stop?

Does either party want to actually move it forward or is the the reality that one person does more than the other.

WHen being confronted with the truth that is, ‘I want you to fall in love with me’ for being the reason for the persuit, with nothing of their own benefit put down as a reason, then surely you must realise that you are simply a pawn in their collection, maybe a prize piece or maybe not. Then again, this may all be part of their ruse. It’s impossible to tell since this is a route that you would take with someone else if placed in a similar situation

When you don’t trust yourself naturally and then are confronted by it as an adversary who you can’t trust, it makes taking your bearings impossible. You find myself spinning in infinte space, not scared or aprehensive, but quite enjoying not quite knowing where you are and being in limbo, it is indeed a nice change, especially if the two of you decide to spin together, like a capsulated ouijja board, with both parties hands on it but none believing they are actively pushing, succumbing to the relationshp orientated ideomotor effect (click here to find its meaning).

You just worried that sometime soon you may hit something, bursting the bubble and  forcing you to realise the reality of the situation. Truth be told, even if they did offer her heart to you, admitted defeat and decided to move on, You would find this the emptiest victory of all. You’re no longer sure its her heart that you want as a trophy, You beging to crave the company of genuine kin, or at least the ‘kin’ they’ve portrayed in the active/passive seduction of yourself, which is more than likely not a reality in itself.

As part of your seduction repetoir, you have both learnt to mimmic your prey in order to relax their defences. However You got lost in the mimmicing. Am i mimmicking her mimmicking me mimmicking her. Who is real and who is the shadow, teh reflection, the hunted.

Worst of all, are we merging into something new and exciting altogether, an amalgam of our collected impulses, on a snowballing crescendo into the unknown. We still both know in the back of our minds we need to fade into our subconciouses undetected and grasp at the ultimate prize, which is starting to emerge as another pink panther identical to your own?

Or dare I say, perhaps, you’ve both have only ever had half of the same jewel and we’re only trying to naturally put them together. You start to have lucid dreams, rationalising the whole ordeal, believing once in a former life, You had sold your soul to the devil, for an empty prize and to spite, he made her from it. She is indeed your lost soul, come to taunt you, as a prize you can never truly claim as your own. Not fully, at least not yet anywho. As ultimately all that is bad in you is reflected in her and the mirror is too big and bright to walk away from.

Before you know it. you both realise teh truth. You’ve both been stolen from one another, both had your jewels chipped and there is ultimately no victor. The hard pink panthers are now dusty, black and brittle with little street value. You trade damaged goods and solace glares as you both back away from one another longlingly, knowing its the last gaze of her you’ll have. You both leave as you once came, apart from a glaring hole where hope had come and left unnoticed while you played and foolishly began to wander ‘What If?’. It leaves you feeling solemn and older but not sad. It’s only fair you feel this as it keeps reminding you you’re alive and most importantly, that you are not alone.

So with this, you dust yourself off, and start again. You recite psalms and rewatch scenes from the Bible of emotional theft (Thomas Crown Affair remake), while humming nina simone’s sinnerman,  waiting, knowing next time you meet another master theif, you’ll be ready…

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