If the Devil was a Single Woman on a Dating Site, Her Profile would lk lik dis…


Based on my observations, Allow me to intrroduce to The worst profile ever. If yours resembles this in any shape or form, bow your head in shame.

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USERNAME

Something stupid with ‘x’s’ at the front and back, numbers for letters, different fonts, caps in the middles and numbers in (for some reason your birth year or something)

PICTURES

*you’ll have a picture of you snowboarding/skydiving/on safari touching a lion or shit/with a dolphin*

*you’ll have one in a dress for a formal event*

*you’ll have an nicely cropped pic of yourself holding your ex*

*you’ll have a picture of you taken by yourself in the mirror*

*you’ll have a picture of yourself posing in the toilet*

*you’ll have one of those annoying ‘aerial view pics of yourself*

*you’ll have a pouty pic, like you’re sucking on a worther’s original

*you’ll have a group pic where no one will be able to spot which one is you*

*you’ll have a close up face pic where you decide to not look into the camera*

ABOUT ME

Hey, Oh god I hate writing this bit, I’m rubbish at talking about myself. Here goes nothing…

I’m having another go on this place even though the last time hurt my head a bit.  I’ve been single for a while so I thought I’d give this place another chance since a friend recommended it to me. I love travelling but wanna do some more. I love going out with friends on the weekend but I also am happy staying in with a bottle of wine and a dvd. I have a bubbly personality but I’m shy at first. But when I open up, I’m the life and soul of the party. I get told my bums & eyes  are nice alot, you decide LOL. I’m looking for someone who can get on with my friends and family as they mean the world to me.  I have an eccletic taste in music and like all sorts really. From indie, to hip hop. But to dance to, I love some funky house, soul, dance and commercial chart music, anything I can shake my ass to really LOL.

That’s it, I don’t want to describe my entire self here, If there’s anything you want to find out about me, just ask, Don’t be shy

I’M LOOKING FOR

I’m just looking for a normal guy, A manly man but one who doesn’t take longer to get ready in the mirror than I do. Someone tall dark and handsome, who has his own mind, is that too much to ask?

Please I don’t want any contact from people over 40 (i could be your daughter), or if you are a weirdo or a chav. I won’t reply. Also only reply if you are in the UK and are close by, I don’t do long distance.I don’t ‘tlk lik dis’ and if you do, you will get no reply from me. Also only contact me if you have a real photo of yourself. No point talking to a blank screen Oh and if I don’t reply to you, Don’t take it personally, I believe that physical attraction is important and if I’m not attracted to you, I don’t see the point, sorry

Thanks for reading, happy hunting x

FIRST DATE

I’d be happy having a coffee, no pressure and seeing where it takes us. ideally though, I would be up for something adventurous, definitely no cinema dates, whats the point of sitting there not talking lol. But Ultimately I would want to man to decide, that’s more romantic, Surprise me…

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If you’ve got a profile like this and you want to pop by and say hi, please excuse me as I’ll be too busy trying to physically push a condom wrapped vibratort through my skull with a granny powered dildo launcher. Good day Madame.

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