Have You seen this Bint???? Nope, never…Honest….

I never thought I had a type until I started trying to meet people online. Then everyone I favourited ended up looking and sounding exactly the same, and exactly like most of my exes. Even worse than this is that most people that I approach or get in contact with fall into a certain fundamental batch of people.

So after having watched Derren Brown perform shitty miracles day after day, I will take a pop at describing YOU THERE reading this.



You will be a woman (an easy start to get me in the mood)

You will be white

You will have a naturally pale complexion but may use fake tan lotion on occasions

You will have dark hair

You will have blue eyes (greyey greeny sometimes but rarely brown)

You will be between 5″ 4 and 5″ 9

You will be older than me

You will have curves

You will have no ass

You will have arms that curl slightly inwards when you walk

You will have intricate arms or arm gestures when you talk

You will have at least above average legs

You’ll be able to either strut amazingly in heels or be quite cumbersome in them

You will have broad and straight shoulders

You will be confident but not necessarily have had an easy life

You will have kids

Your eldest child will be a girl

You will belive my best features are my eyes

You won’t be incredibly fussed about my physical shape

You will be in great shape even though you don’t excercise

You might be a mildly fussy eater (allergies or vegetarian or just odd)

you will be born on the later half of the year (june at a stretch)

You’ll have a birthday around the 20-30th of a month

you’ll either be a dab hand in the kitchen or completely shite

You’ll most likely be a teacher, a doctor, a advocacy worker, a profession that gives back

You’ll have or wish to study psychology at some point in the future

You’ll have or wish to have a epic journey around the world

you will have a beautiful smile

You’d be quite attracted to my odd lil quips

You’ll have rubbish tastes in clothes

You’ll have a latent fiery side

You will have smoked at one point in your life

You will at some point, have been addicted/heavily dependent to doing something routinetly

You will look great in dresses but tend not to wear them out often

You will strongly hate/fear going to get your hair cut for various reasons

You will enjoy the food you can eat.

You won’t be overtly girly

You won’t have many male friends in comparison to your female contigent

Your best friends will be ones you’ve known for at least 10 years.

Your taste in men would vary significantly from your mates.

You’d secretly (or not so secretly) adore kids

You’d hate the tories for some deep seeded reason

You’re likely to be northern or from london (this is regionally bias since that’s where i lived).

You’ll have a shit car or no car at all (and would have been in a car accident)

You’ll be mildly gullible

If laying in the bed, you’ll sleep on the left hand side of it. (facing left for bonus points)

You’d describe me as cute/pretty instead of saying handsome/hot for the most part

You or your parents will have a cat/dog to piss me off and make me ill.

You’ll like a warm bed & like to be held to fall asleep but not necessarily held while asleep

You’ll have a higher sex drive than me & while looking conservative are actually pretty adventurous

Right those are 50 facts. If you are sitting there with your jaw on the floor, then I’ve done my bit. Enjoy getting spooked as much as I do…I’ll see you all again (in some guise)..very soon…