It’s that soppy time of year again, this is me not being cold…
Biting the bullet
Since Valentine’s day is Looming, allow me to write something from the heart.
Please give me a moment, I’m not normally good at being forthright with my strong emotions so please bare with me. This piece is for a special person who while we may have parted ways, I will always carry a torch for them.
Since they will never get to read it, I’d like to share it with you.
I’m not going to do my usual faff where I go all descriptive and cryptic. For a change I’m just going to say it as it is.
Nothing but the truth
I can’t remember the exact moment I fell in love with you.
I just remember somewhere down the line feeling as if my life had been saved, and not knowing why.
All that I’ve accomplished, has been due to you. All I will ever achieve will have your input love and support inscribed on it.
There is no me without you.
Throughout my life, I’ve been running from my demons, running from what I could potentially become if unchecked. I was too busy looking ahead to notice but one day I realised, you were there running beside me the whole entire time. Not only that but you you were carrying more than half my burdens on your shoulders as well as all of yours.
You made it safe for me to stop running. To look back. you held my hand as I confronted my fears and stood there, not alongside me, but infront to protect me.
No one’s ever done that before.
At the gates of oblivion, you nominated yourself to stand as my champion. To protect me from harm, to keep me safe. To risk yourself for my well being.
You asked for no reward or quarter and somewhere I fear you never will.
I cannot begin to fathom how much I am indebt to you, and knowing having to repay you has never even crossed your mind is the most priceless gift you’ve bestowed upon me.
I am continually falling into your debt and every day you rescue me from it.
I love you. Not that shitty love, the real deal.
I love your crappy bits. I love the fact you can drive me wild. I love the fact you can keep me on the edge of my seat, I love the fact you can let me down bigtime. I love the fact you can drive me mental. I love the fact that everytime I think I’m done with you, you show me there is no me without you.
I love the fact you are nothing that I want or need, or asked for. I love the fact you are everything that I want and need and have prayed for.
I never asked for you to be part of my life, I wouldn’t dream of being so selfish or believe I warranted or had done anything to have earnt your kind nature.
But here you are. Standing infront of me. Time and time again
You are the sole reason I believe in a higher creator, for through you, I know that I am blessed.
Simply saying I love you is not enough.
I cannot do anything else, I cannot ‘not love you’, I don’t remember how.
This entire existence ceases to have any real purpose without you in it. I don’t want to save a world that you cannot live in.
So while I can’t remember the who, the what, the where and the when, I can at least may provide some reason for the why.
Although truth be told, you will never know how much, how deep, how far or how wide it really is.
I love you Stan.
Happy Valentines Day?